2005 Darwin Awards

[Heather]

Darwin Awards

(True Stories)
Removed from the gene pool are the following:

(Note not one woman nominated!)

Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the
Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool. This year's nine nominees are:

Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo,
MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as
a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a
troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other
man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally
shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of
a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed
instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to
his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of Southern states always seem to
figure prominently among the Darwin nominees.)

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane
with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank
Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the
building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter
Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun
newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the
200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with no
ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his
own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed
large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted
primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just
the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep
from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he
been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal.
But the man was shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom According to the
article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly
gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News
of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South
Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence
reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell
attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted. (South Carolina entrants are always perennial favorites.)

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a
cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday
night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said.
Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about
11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader
that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into
the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on
a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of
the Peel Regional Police "It appears that the chair moved, and he went
over the balcony," Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were
injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton
Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder
reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of
Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des
Arc after a frog gigging trip on an overcast Sunday night when Poole's
pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.

The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had
burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that
the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next
to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights
again began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound
toward the White River Bridge. After traveling approximately 20 miles, and
just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated,
discharged, and struck Poole in the testicles.

The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but
will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which
will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in
this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that
those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being
notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys
had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???

(Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)

[1toughfish]

LOL.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in
this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that
those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder. Upon being
notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many frogs the boys
had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???

[cst]

love them darwin awards, great post!

[tunakid]

HA those were great

[FishSlayer]

The funny thing is when I was 20 I used to work on the 50th floor of a highrise in downtown LA and I used to think it was funny to watch the faces of people when I threw myself up against the window, man was I stupid.

[WreckinBall]

"There but for the grace of God" huh, Fishslayer?

[FishSlayer]

So your sayin god wanted me to live but decided to kill that other guy? sorry dude I dont believe in grace, providence or any other kind of devine intervention. Unless of course its raining on my only day off or something, then its proof that god hates me.

[cst]

its obvious that you had far superior windows.

[FishSlayer]

Or maybe I weighed less or something, but for some reason luck seems to favor the stupid and like I said I was REALLY stupid back then...

[cst]

lol russ, not much has changed

[WreckinBall]

Originally Posted by FishSlayer

So your sayin god wanted me to live but decided to kill that other guy? sorry dude I dont believe in grace, providence or any other kind of devine intervention. Unless of course its raining on my only day off or something, then its proof that god hates me.

I'm not "sayin" anything of the sort. I just meant to comment on your good luck.