Funnies

[Heather]

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died
peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the
passengers in his car."
--Author Unknown

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you
get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
--Author Unknown

"
"The problem with the designated driver program, it's
not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into
doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night,
drop them off at the wrong house."
--Jeff Foxworthy


"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took
her out in the lake and threw her off the boat.

I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'"
--Paula Poundstone

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have
better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the
authors of that study: "Duh."
--Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm
halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my gosh....
I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of
people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime
and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's
go west.'"
--Richard Jeni

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us
geography."
--Paul Rodriguez

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they
turned sixty and that's the law."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"Remember in elementary school, you were told that in
case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line
from smallest to tallest. What is the logic in that? What?
Do tall people burn slower?"
--Warren Hutcherson

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student.
At least they can find Iraq."
--A. Whitney Brown

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog
will give you a look that says, 'My gosh, you're right!
I never would've thought of that!'"

-Dave Barry

Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow
Disease" was taken. =)
--Unknown, presumed deceased

[Local Rookie]

I like the top one the best!

[tunakid]

lol the verbal skills one is my favorite

[DementedFish]

i like the PMS one

[Cuban_Fish]

Thier all good, thnx for sharing.

[FishSlayer]

Funny stuff...